Sunday, June 20, 2010
JUNE 30, 2010
Thursday, March 19, 2009
angel eyes..........
Last night I was taking a walk along the river
And I saw him together with a young girl
And the look that he gave her made me shiver
'Cause he always used to look at me that way
Then I thought maybe I should walk right up to her and say
it's a game he likes to play
Look into his angeleyes
One look and you're hypnotized
He'll take your heart and you must pay the price
Look into his angeleyes
You'll think you're in paradise
And one day you'll find out he wears a disguise
Don't look too deep into those angeleyes
Sometimes when I'm lonely I sit and think about him
And it hurts to remember all the good times
When I thought I could never live without him
And I wonder does it have to be the same
Every time when I see him, will it bring back all the pain?
how can I forget that name?
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
... AND IT IS GOING TO CARRY ON
Company ID, wallet, etc.. already in the bag.. "so off for work.." she was about to open the door to go when her cellphone rings. She checked and it read 'i missed call'... it was from someone unexpected. "so he decides to give me a ring.. big deal..see if i care." She went and closed the door behind her. She took a couple of steps and her cellphone rings again.. this time, it was just a message. Still from that unexpected person. She opened her phone and the message says "Hi. Long time no tx. How r u?" She stared on her phone for like a second but the moment seemed like forever.
She closed her cellphone and hailed a cab. On the way for work, she found herself taking glimpses at her phone. "Should i reply?" she asked herself. "what will I say? hhmmm how about --- m okay.. -- nope, i'll just text -- m fine, nice to hear from you again.. -- ew! no way! it is not nice to hear from him again coz my life was a fucked-up one, thanks to him!! i will just ignore the message from that f*ckin loser. see if i care!!" She decided not to reply but a part of her wants to. But she has to stop herself in becoming a totally wrecked being. God! She doesn't want to go back to those days when all she did was cry. No Way! She put on her earphones and listened again to Avril Lavigne's When You're Gone. F*ck! the song only reminds her of that loser she let go centuries ago. She found herself reaching her iPod to hit the stop button but then again a side of her said "if you won't listen to the song, it is like accepting the fact that you do still miss that jerk!" she feels like a complete psycho, debating herself over and over.. "okay, i do not miss him.. i have promised not miss him centuries ago.. so i will listen to the song because i am not affected.. it is only in the mind.. it is just mind control... just say that you feel nothing, believe in it.. sooner, you will believe in the reality that you have created and you'll be okay" she told herself. She squeezed her bag and closed her eyes to stop the tears that are slowly trying to stream down her face.
She found herself in their office trying to open her locker and her cellphone rings again. 1 missed call and 2 messages. Still from that someone unexpected. The first message is a blank one and the second one says "it has been so long and i hope everything is ok".. She doesn't know what to react, she doesn't know if she will laugh or cry.. how pathetic! "I hope everything is okay?!? Are you kidding me? My life is never okay.. then you came, and it went from being not okay to totally being in hell... then you just lemme go and from that moment on, my life has never seen any light at all.. so f*ck you. I hope you die and go to hell! " Her whole being was shouting those words. She has never encountered such arrogance and such insensitivity from a guy!! She turned her cellphone off and said in silence "we are way over.. it ended on the day when you just let me walk away.." And she locked her locker. "now you will know how it feels like to be ignored.. why can't you just leave me alone and marry your ugly gf?!
She put on a bright smile and sang "When you're gone, the pieces of my heart are missing you.." Now she can sing that song without breaking down. A voice then said "..and she sings... aint we happy?" She turned and saw Cheza. She smiled and answered "Yep, never been happier..." Cheza just smiled back and went into the other hallway. "Yep, i am never been happier.. he definitely is not in my system anymore and i will never reply coz i do not care anymore.." she thought and breathed heavily and remembered the time when she shed bucketful of tears because she broke it off and he just let her go.. he just let her go.. he just let her go.. hhmm.. this will be the last time she will remember that time because it does not matter anymore.. he does not matter anymore.. and she is glad..
Saturday, November 15, 2008
and my mind works again to 'mugna' something...
They were making their way through the thick crowd. She hates rush hour. She was about to say something to her bestfriend who also finds rush hour as a sucker when the heavens roared with thunder. "Great! this is what we need in such a state! rain...!" Her bestfriend complained. She sighed and is about to agree when she bumped into someone and her heart stopped. If only the moment would stop too.
The crowd is beginning to panic as the sky is slowly pouring down but she is still transfixed into those big brown eyes. Lost and her heart is racing. It seems like an angel descends upon the heavens to brighten her sad day."I'm sorry, are you okay?" the angel speaks. Am I okay? I am more than okay. I am overjoyed i got bumped.. at least by you. She wants to answer but she can't find her voice.
"Ahem. She's okay. She's not hurt can't you see?" her bestfriend answered the guy while pinching her left arm and that was how she finds herself back on earth again. The guy nodded and said "Okay, so we are cool. See yah around!" and the angel left.
Her bestfriend shook her head and said "don't look too deep into those angel eyes.. they could be deceiving." She made a face and said "i looked like a total idiot! I did not even manage to say a word.. he must think I am a complete retard!"
"No. He thinks nothing because he doesn't care. I mean come on, open your eyes. We have been together for four years in this freakin University and not once has he ever looked at you. He doesn't even know you exist at all so if you can try and notice that it is pouring down and we have to hurry up, i would really appreciate it" her bestfriend said.
She sighed and said "you are really harsh.. are you really my bestfriend?" Her bestfriend rolled her eyes out "I think I am, that is why i am talking some sense here because seriously, I don't want to see my pretty, best girl to act like a loser because of some dumb guy"
She laughed and tried to keep up to her bestfriend's pace "he is not dumb. Fate just doesn't bring us closer.. that's why he wasn't able to know me.. but if he will be given a chance to know me better then i am more than sure we could be nice together"
"OMG! You really are getting worse. I think you have no cure. Dream on!" Her bestfriend could not help but poke her lightly.
She just poked her bestfriend back and said "..and that is why I love you so much because we are so different, you don't have faith in love. Really, i will still have my hopes up for that guy." Her bestfriend smiled and answered "goodluck!"
As they continue to make their way out into the wide hallyard of their school, her mind drifted off and she remembers the first time she saw him. It was four years ago on March, first day of school, she was a freshman and the first subject was Calculus. One of the subjects she so detest. Their professor made them introduce themselves one by one and she was so bored. When it was his time to introduce himself, he stood up and turned to face the class and she got hooked. He definitely is not the cutest guy she has seen but he is the first guy who makes her feel like she can't breathe. He does nothing. He just stood there in front introducing himself but she feels like she wants to know him. He doesn't have the perfect face but his eyes express so much that she cannot pull away her gaze and when he looks at her, she caught her breath. And that was it... Since then, he is the only guy she sees. Everyday she encounters cuter guys but they never have that certain effect on her.. only him has given her that.. only him has made her feel this way. "Maybe this is the thing they call as being in love" she wonders......
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Wu Zun (bb Chunnie)
Wasn't able to help myself.. screensaver jud daun sa phone this pic:)
Thursday, May 8, 2008
love and pain
and right now is my RD.. .. and it is so freakin boring so while listening to this song, i find myself making some crappy mugna2x story again.. hhmmm…
***************
Her hair is still damp from shower but she is already sweating. And the conversation heats up. He is breathing heavily now and those eyes that are once so tender, look cold at this moment. She can’t meet his gaze. She wet her lips and said in a voice almost a whisper “I don’t wanna sound insensitive but i just think it is for the best.” And then there was a long silence… so silent that it is beginning to make her deaf. It is as if life has been slowly sucked out from her. she took a deep breath and added “..I am doing this for you.. for us..” her voice trailed off…
And then he cursed and said “seriously, do you expect me to believe that?!” She can see his jaw hardened as he added “if being us really means something to you.. then you should at least be honest.. you owe it to me.. ” He must have been so furious right now and her heart aches with the thought that she is actually hurting the one guy her whole being has been in love with.. her heart aches even more with the thought that he thinks she just lead him on when in reality, he is even the only person she can think of day in, day out.
She can feel hot tears heading their way down her face. GOD! How she wants to hug this guy right now so tight and make the moment freeze forever but she can’t. And that is the fact that she has to live with. She has to stay away. She has to pull herself together and be firm. She swallowed hard before saying “I don’t expect you to understand right now but my decision is final..” Her voice cracked. OMG! This won’t do. She is on the verge of breaking down. She has to walk away right now while she still can. But as she turned away, he caught her arm and he made her face him. He tilted her head to meet his gaze. She closed her eyes.. she does not want him to see right through her. And as she keeps her eyes shut, she heard him say “I need you..because i love you..” And when he hugged her so tight, she can take it no more. She hugged him back and said nothing. She said nothing.. she just hugged him back and she knew.. she can never leave him.. ever…
—– ug sa dihang mao ra to.. boW! hhmm, gikapoy nako huna2x unsa sunod.. ending na to.. hihi
Monday, April 21, 2008
Wu Zun.. Jared.. Naruto.. thanks bunches..!!!
'yaw palabi Carms.. mabuang ka..' the words i frequently hear from people everytime i talk about Wu Zun, Jared and Naruto.. i guess they would never understand why i am so into them.. yeah, i am into them.. i think about them 24/7 especially Wu Zun.. but i know that i will forever be sane and can distinguish fantasy from reality.
Why does one dwell so much in fantasy? The answer is simple.. because reality is so messed up that you just wanna escape from it eventhough at the end of the day you know that you are still very much alive, bleeding with pure affliction from the knowledge that truth can never be run away from..
"You are not in my reality and you guys will never be but you sure are making my days complete and you can always put a smile on my face.. "
People can say or think all the freakin stuff about me being this crazy over some unreal guys but i couldn't care a thing.. they are worthy to be liked and they are making me smile.. that is what matters.. i smile because of them..:)
These songs on my blog especially gabrielle's don't need the sun to shine is for you guys...! good Lord, how i thank you for these guys' existence... You sure rock!
Wu Zun
Jared Padalecki
Naruto
for that person who owns the biggest part of my heart..
"you are in my reality.. i see you every now and then but you never make me smile.. you always confuse me.. but it is okay.. you can never see or appreciate me because your eyes can only see 'that ' girl (lucky her..) and i am slowly accepting the fact that you and i will never be.."
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
WHO'S THAT GIRL??
Where's she from?
No she can't be the one
That you want
That has stolen my world
It's not real, it's not right
It's my day, it's my night
By the way
Who's that girl living my life?"
My being an 'addict' to some celebs like Wu Zun, Jared and even Naruto really helps.. i think there will come a day when i will see him and i have to pinch myself because even 1 bit of liking towards him in my bone can no longer be felt...
I will just have to believe in that reality and hopefully it'll happen someday..
But right now, at this very moment... this question is in me.. circulating in my system.. 'Who's that girl....?'
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
N. O. E. ---
I had my ultimate crush when i was in highschool. He is everything a girl could fall into. He is so damn atractive, the kind who can attract attention even if he is just sitting in a corner without a care in the world. He appears very mysterious, so behave, so neat (He always has clean fingernails and his school uniform, a white polo shirt stays clean the whole day at school), so quiet and he has got those soulful eyes that whenever i look at him, i would be drowned and transcended into another reality. He has a band (don't know if he still has one at this time), he does that piano thingy and the vocals. He loves music a lot that is why even if i am too scared to sing, i joined that music org we had at school just to spend more time with him.. he knows me and i know him but we are never friends. We've been classmates long enough during my highschool years but i can't even remember a time where we engaged in a long conversation. There are a lot of times though when he would just sit next to me and God knows how many times my heart does that somersault thing everytime. But the thing that irritates me is, he would just sit next to me and throughout the entire time he is sitting right next to me, he will say nothing.. so what i did each time it happens is i will just remember the moment and feel each fuss he makes beside me while saying nothing too.. (yeah stupid but i guess that's part of highschool life, the tameme thingy). The most treasured moment was when he sat right next to me and after a while he sang No One Else Comes Close by Joe. I can't forget that moment.. I was busy daydreaming over westlife (that was the time my liking to that boyband is at its highest) while waiting for the CAT formation to come full circle when there he was... walking towards me and he sat right next to me. He didn't say a word as usual and then he sang that song.. I felt my hands sweating, my heart had that abnormal beating and i wished the ground would swallow me so i would disappear. I can't put into words the kilig churva i felt at that time.. i am sure though that it was beyond normal. After he sang the entire song (imagine that!!!), he said nothing so i just pretended i did not notice or care that he sang.. I somehow acted busy flipping over my notes.. and after a few minutes, he walked away leaving me behind. Maybe if it happened now, i think i could pull off a few lines like 'ganahan ka ana na song?' or 'kinsa gakanta ana' or whatever just to save the moment.. i hate to say but that moment was just wasted away.. but i can't blame myself since i was like 15 years old, i didn't know what to do.The thing is.. i can't seem to give logic why he would sit right next to me and say nothing and sang that song...! Maybe he likes me too:) toink! nope,.. because i believe that when a guy likes a girl.. he will renounce what he feels sooner or later.. and in his case, he never did.. he never said anything. He has years in highschool to say it out loud but he never did... so i think he doesn't feel the same way. Maybe he just likes to sing at that time beside me. Another i-like-moment with him was that time when School's X'mas party was approaching and he approached me suddenly and said "kanta kiss me inig party.. kami man band". He said the words so fast, he didn't even blink and i wasn't able to say anything coz everything happened so fast and he surprised me that i just stared at him and after a few seconds, when i finally calmed down and was about to say "sige", he said "pero murag okay ra man sad si ___ lang ang mokanta" He refered my other classmate who also knows how to sing. And i just nodded. I really hated myself for not being able to say yes immediately, i could have sang for him... but it was his fault also.. he shouldn't have surprised me like that.. He should have at least said my name and said the words in a normal manner.. he said it too fast like he was out of breath.. but i've to say i really like it that he personally asked me to sing:) It was nice... hek hek...But anyway, it was all in the past now. And i still like the song No One else but the feeling i had for him was long gone. (I like the song eversince he sang that song next to me, hihihi) I realized last year that what i felt was long gone.. coz after highschool graduation, i still miss him and since i had my college years in USC and he had his in 'University of Sekreto:)'... i sometimes went there after my class coz My Agaw Blessie attended in that University too.. hoping to just have a glimpse of him... (see, ultimate crush is ultimate crush.. they are the ones who could make you do stupid illogical things) and even one of my beloved bitches Feebee Tinks got crazy over the fact that i told her to befriend him thru text... so until i graduated from college, i sometimes thought i still have that magical churva for him.. but i was mistaken. Because just late last year.. we met and we actually talked..! hihihi.. and then i noticed that i chatted with him like he is just a nobody.. like just some old friend and then i knew.. what i have felt for him has been long gone.:) Another proof is this thing i am doing right now.. updating my thing for him on my blog.. if i still have that heart-pumping thing for him.. naks! I will never make an entry about it for the world to know... kakahiya...! Since he is just an ordinary guy in my eye right now.. i couldn't care even if he would know that he was my 'silent song' way back in highschool.....
